No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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