Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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