yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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