It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
