He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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