I molested 6 butterflies tonight
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
