have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize