I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
