Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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