Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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