i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
