there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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