Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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