Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
