Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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