at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
