Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
