You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
