Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
