yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
