he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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