Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize