Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
