rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
