me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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