VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
