Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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