If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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