im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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