false alarm. still invincible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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