How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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