I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
