I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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