I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
