So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
