He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
