If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
