using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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