i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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