They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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