I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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