Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
