fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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