Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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