Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
