wrigley field is MILF paradise
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
