He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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