wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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