if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
