I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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