you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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