I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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