i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
