party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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