Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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