thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
