yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
