Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
