I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
