You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She even gives head with a lisp.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
