you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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