just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
