Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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