every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize