Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
