considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
