this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
