Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

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(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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(319): View more from Iowa

You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.

Fav 2 1646 624
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me

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(614): View more from Ohio

Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I have so many feelings about this burrito

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(651): View more from Minnesota

scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles

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